failure {lilith/closed]

[amaroq]

Amaroq couldn't sleep at all, after the day he had could you really blame him for being restless. The hunt had been successful and the family had a lot of meat to devour over the next few days, however at the cost of meat his younger sister had been seriously wounded. Now hours later he had brought the majority of the pack back to the den, in which they had fallen asleep rather quickly. Exhaustion had taken it's toll and now everyone else seemed to be resting except for him.. he couldn't sleep. A yawn escaped him and he stretched out on the cool ground, trying in vain to fall asleep. After so long however the large black male slowly got to his feet, and padded off away from the den. His body melted into the shadow as he loped along, trying to escape his thoughts. Amaroq was worried for his sister Kali.. and he felt like he had failed her by letting her get hurt. He was grateful for Cheveyo stepping in when he did other wise the yearling may have been mauled to death.

The delicious scent of fresh water hit his nostrils and the alpha quietly approached the edge of the vast body of water. He got himself a long soothing drink, gulping it down for a few minutes before he moved along the beach. It had been awhile since he had been here but it was soothing to be standing here. The breeze was gentle and the cool water gently caressed his fur. Amaroq sighed softly his gold eyes twinkling as he walked along, his thoughts a million miles away. The scent of grizzly bears made his hackles raise a bit, afraid and yet not worried at the same time.

He found a rock to relax on, and quietly he flopped down on his side and stared out across the water.. letting his mind wander where it needed to.

[lilith]

Lilith opened golden eyes when she sensed movement nearby, the large black shape was unmistakable even in the Night’s soft light. Lifting her head she glanced around the still pack, no one else seemed to noticed their Alpha’s departure and that was fine by her. She was starting to like these wolves but kind words did little to fix pain, this she understood well. Padding out of the den site and along a path she had never walked the brown female ghosted along knowing this part of the land was safe, the pack would allow nothing less. The scent of water was calming but of little real interest, the view was also lost on her just then. Coming slowly up behind her new master she stopped, shaking debri absently from her hued coat.

“Forward or not I do not think you should be alone right now, if you want I’ll go but only because you are Alpha.”

Head tilted, stare slightly defiant, she knew all about males ordering females to go when they did not wish to speak to them. Such males annoyed her to no end but she would forgive him his moodiness since she had seen the cause. Cheveyo was reserved, saying little to anyone since the hunt, the others slightly more talkative but not by much. The new pack had little comfort to offer, the old pack were busy comforting each other. Lilith was not the best shoulder to cry on most times but family issues she understood quite well.

“If you wish to talk I will listen but I am no yes man, and I can be a little too blunt sometimes, just to warn you.”[/center][/size][/font][/color]

[amaroq]

He knew that he would not be left alone, at least not for long. Being that he was the sole Alpha of Zilar Heights everyone sought him out and demanded comfort from him. It was not something he minded most of the time but honestly right now he wanted comfort instead. Though he would not admit it to anyone, he had to appear strong and brave towards his pack. His eyes flashed tiredly as he looked out across the lake, the low sound of approaching foot falls made his ears twitch. Amaroq looked over his shoulder and saw Lilith come out of the darkness, he was surprised it was her.. he figured it would be either Ula or Nails. Hearing her words, he frowned lightly and moved to sit up his tail wrapping itself around his feet. From what little he knew of her, he was not very surprised by the words that came tumbling out of her mouth. He did not expect large amounts of kindness he refused to need it. Being alpha had made him strong.

"I'm not going to chase you off Lilith, you came on your own to see how I am. I appreciate it.. a lot. There's just a lot on my mind and I can't sleep.."

His voice was soft, a tone of depression making his voice seemed monotone. Amaroq bowed his head and stared at the rock he was resting on. Both ears flickering a bit, his thoughts going back to his sister.

"I feel like I failed my family. Kali should have not been involved in a hunt of that magnitute. Yet..she was there and now she is wounded and could possibly die if she gets and infection."

The words tumbled out as he turned to look at the brown kissed female, his expression sad and forlorn as he waited for a response, but he did not expect her to give him tons of comfort, he just wanted to know it wasn't entirely his fault.. even though it felt like it was.

[lilith]

“She would have to be left alone uncared for for that to happen, not going to happen here, never here.”

Lilith relaxed a bit when it was clear the Alpha was weary but not testy, testy got nasty very quickly. Walking up to the water’s she took a quick drink since talking could dry a throat rather quickly. Moving back to her former place she sat down batting a stone into the water with a bitter frown. Her pack had never been so close, she had never known what Kali had. The sass and snark that was her words were due to that simple messed up childhood. Sighing softly she decided taking the Alpha’s mind off of things was the best way to help him, reassuring words only went so far.
[/color]
“I never knew what a loving pack was, my birth pack was horrid and I hope they are all dead now. Kali will survive because she is loved, her pack will never harm her, and you had no real choice. All must learn to hunt, most first hunts do not go well, no one can change this. Perhaps this hunt was too hard for her to start out on, perhaps an easier target would have lead to her death, we cannot know. All I do know is that if I had had one person in my family that loved me as much as you all do her besides my mother perhaps I would be as happy as she is. I would trade places with her right now, dying or not, to know what truly belong somewhere means. Cheveyo is not the only one around here who feels they must prove something, I am just not as open about it.”
[/color]
Lilith looked out across the water not sure how any of this would go over, likely more questions of her past would follow. Answers she had, alone she did not mind giving them. Perhaps seeing there were worst fates then near death a yearling could live through would renew his hope? If all she did was making him fert over her that was also alright, at least he could do something to help her. Kali only time and careful eyes would help, the pack had plenty of eyes, time…time was such a relative thing.
[/color]
“You could also say I’m just a bit of a Bitch too…it works for me really.”[/center][/size][/font][/color][/size]

[amaroq]

The black titan remained silent as he listened to the words that came from the female's mouth. How she wished her family and pack dead, a cold shudder raced down his spine at the mere idea of his own clan being dead and gone. It made him wonder what could have been done to her that made her wish such a fate on her own family. Amaroq had a wonderful upbringing much like Kali had, he was surrounded by loving adults and a mother that truly meant the world to him. He had never met his father and so did not know how to miss him, he was just never there.

With such a perfect upbringing he managed to become a excellent alpha and a beautiful brother to those in his family. Turning his head towards the dark female he nodded in silent agreement on her words on Kali. Indeed they would do everything in their power to make sure the yearling survived this incident. He doubted she would get an infection since she was now away from any major water source, and the den was dry.

"Honestly I know it's a part of life to learn to hunt.. we've all done it.. It's just hard to see it happen to someone so young.. Kali is a immature wolf she has not yet tested what horrors this world can offer. Today she got a taste of the harshness of the world we live in. If Cheveyo had not been quick enough she would be laying dead down there where the cow now is.."


Amaroq frowned to himself and then gave a dry chuckle. It was not filled with humor, only with some harsh mockery of happiness. Indeed the world was a dark place sometimes and he knew his sister would have to deal with that reality someday when she was older. Returning his golden gaze to the female he tried to smile but it failed at the attempt.

"So tell me Lilith, what happened in your life to make you so bitter and dare I say bitchy?"

[lilith]

“I really don’t think that pale brute will care how good of a job he did until Kali is lopping about like a deer again. It’s sweet really, most males don’t care much for yearling hanging all over them wanting to play.”

Lilith shook her head but grinned ever so slightly, looking big and scary did not mean you were scary, big however was not up for debate. She had given Cheveyo a bit of encouragement before leaving him to head home, Arashi was better at that short of thing. Ula had patched things with him up nicely it seemed but he still did not look al that happy. A little sleep and things would look better, the wound would heal and everything could go back to normal. Ears turned at the question of what had happened to her, a fair one but never one she liked hearing. Sighing she shook her head slowly but if anyone around here deserved to hear a bit about her it was the first to make her feel like this place could be home.

“My name comes from a human female betrayed and shunned by man and his God, amusing and a bit of an interesting story. Humans talk a lot on hunts it seems, avoided them myself but they seem to have a twisted master. I was little older then Kali is now really when the pack forcefully rapped my mother and aunt until they died bleeding out. They had joined the pack the following winter and been treated rather well, outsiders as they were. Their punishment came when they were told they would both be mated by the Alpha, as would I. At the time I did not understand what that meant, or why they protested so much, after…afterwards I did. That night I used the tricks my aunt had taught me to distract my guard long enough to get away. Since then I have been very weary of males, the colder the air the more I avoid them. I am a bit like my namesake in that regard, makes you wonder really if she knew.”

The brown she wolf shrugged having no answers for herself and few for the Alpha on that matter. Whatever her mother or aunt knew that they did not repeat to her was lost to all know. Speaking to the dead was for those far more spiritual then she.

[/color]

[amaroq]

Amaroq listened intently to the story that spilled out of the female's mouth. He grimaced as she mentioned how her mother and aunt died, what a terrible way to die. If she had been a 'normal' female he would've have tried to offer some physical comfort, however he knew better than to press her boundaries. Instead the large dark male shook his head and looked away from her for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. Honestly, he never heard of such a thing before, surely some females had been forced to mate but to that extreme? It was disgusting to him. His own pack did not believe in such things and only a willing female would be taken as his own mate and future Alpha Female. He couldn't imagine forcing anyone in his pack to do anything like that.. He shook his head again and returned his gaze towards the dark female.

"I would say sorry but I know that it will not help you feel any better that is for sure. However I am sorry that your mother and aunt died in such a brutal manner. We don't do things like that here in Zilar heights.."

He wanted to reassure her further but was unware of how to do just that. Instead he kept quiet, his body trembling silently as he moved to leap off of a rock he had been laying on. Amaroq approached the water's edge and got himself another long drink, his throat was parched and it helped his stomach remain full. After today he really didn't want to approach the bison corpse, even though it was food he hated the idea of feasting upon it. Though in a day or so he'd probably just swallow his emotion and eat the meat. There was no reason to even think of not eating that kill not after how hard they worked and suffered to obtain it in the first place.

"This winter I am thinking of taking a female to produce pups.. maybe two of them.. I want to see how they fare in raising the pups that will then decide for me who will be the alpha female of this clan.. Do you think that is a good idea?"

Amaroq asked her quietly, wanting her true thoughts on his idea.

[lilith]

Lilith felt both relief and disappointment when Amaroq did not touch her as he would others. She was not sure if he was sicken, distraught, or trying to not upset her. Her answer came when he spoke, sincere and honest as she had come to expect. Turing her gaze to him she gave him a reassuring little smile, she did not want him to worry about her.

“Oh I know that, if I still doubted my safety here I would have slipped away after feeding, I would not have been missed right away. I never cared for other’s pity but your concern is noted and appreciated, they would have enjoyed serving under you in this place. Do not fear touching me Amaroq, they never got their chance so there are no ghosts to bring back. Thank you for being a gentlemen, such topics are not often discussed.”

It was no secrete something had happened to her to make her aloof but not many would ask. Making up reasons seemed to amuse them more, the truth would only make most sick. The black wolf was sicken but not by her, understanding the appeal of this place to those like her would help him understand those like her. Arashi was too happy to have had some horrid childhood, Cheveyo…she would not be surprise to find he had been taken advantage of. The need to prove his worth to the others was a bit to strong to just be a young male being a young male. Ears turned when Amaroq spoke of mating more then one wolf and then asking her thoughts. It seemed an odd thing to ask someone who had just told you her family had been mated to death but who else would be so honest? Tilting her head the dark fae thought the question over, from a personal and logical point of view. Asking her likely meant she was being considered and wanted to know if she was jealous. As Alpha he had the right to take any fae he wished, asking was a nice touch, but that did not mean he would.

“To be honest I never really considered mating anyone, understandable really. However, if you could find two such willing females who would agree to your logic it is sound enough for me. You are a leader after all, emotions are good guides but should never be entirely trusted. After all how many of your pack thought Cheveyo might force Kali? Surely Ula considered it enough to call him out a bit, gods what the child would think if she understood I wonder? Now I have a question for you Amaroq, a simple one perhaps. Did you ask because I am female or because I could become your Alpha?”

Silk was causal, no flirty purring or demands, just curiosity. Is she was being considered she wanted to know, if not that was fine since she was new. Nic and Ula were older, friends of his, lovely in their own right. Arashi and herself were new, mysterious, opposites really. Curiosity glinted in her eyes as she waited for her answer, it would take a moment to find the words. The dark male was very careful to not cause offense but still be sincere. A task but a charming trait of his, her tongue was not as considerate but for this pack she could learn.

[amaroq]

Amaroq had decided to take multiple females for mates this winter for a variety of reasons. Mainly he did not want the wrong female ruling by his side and causing conflict and problems within the family. That and he wanted to see who was the best mother and produced the very best pups.. all of it would be taken into consideration during the following year. Though he did not seem to take into consideration that maybe no one would want to go along with it. He knew that Ula was interested in becoming his mate, so she'd probably do it for him. However, he wanted more than just her to produce pups other wise what was the point of not making her his mate. It was very confusing, his eyes flashed silently as he glanced at Lilith. Perhaps she would be interested in it as well, if nothing else then just to have pups of her own, a family that didn't suck? Amaroq listened to her words and he smiled slightly, indeed he was thinking of asking her about it, but with Kali getting hurt.. things had become hectic.

"I wanted to ask you at a later time about being involved in this.. Since you seem like a strong capable female and would no doubt be a good mother. However if you decide that you do not want involved in my situations, you do not have to be. You're under no obligation to me. However, I want more than one female to produce some pups to see who is the better qualified for the rank..."

His ears twitched silently as he looked around the lake. The land was silent and honestly it seemed rather unnerving for the alpha wolf.

[ooc: my next post will be longer.]

[lilith]

Lilith tilted her head slightly as she listened to her Alpha assure her she was free to decline, a point that she preferred to be very clear. Complimenting her as he did she smiled with pleasure at being considered worthy of such a coveted rank. Her history aside she did not always show her best side to the world. Thinking for a moment she leaned forward and gave his cheek a playful little lick.

“I would be honored to prove my worth as a mother and Alphaess to the pack, they already know I can hunt and tease just fine. If you can find another you will not get any Harpy spitting from me. I do like you but I am not sure we know each other long enough to be more then friends right now, nothing wrong with that at all. I know I have the will and the confidence to be an alpha but I am not quite as regal and sweet as Arashi. Perhaps motherhood will agree with me, it did my mother no harm until the end…that would never happen here. Have you considered anyone else or is that telling?”
[/color]
Grinning as she teased the often serious darker male she thought about what being an Alpha would mean. Power was all well and good but using it to protect the females and the rest of the pack and not just her own hide would be a change. She had already taken it upon herself to comfort Cheveyo a bit, gushing was not her style. That was not as hard as she thought it would be, teasing the brother’s was more her style. She found herself closer to this pack then she had meant to be so soon after joining it. Perhaps it was a sign she was meant to be here, meant to finally stop running and be herself. She had to admit she liked that idea very much.[/size][/center][/color][/font]